Serial Snorer
I’m ashamed to admit, I’m a snorer.
Yup. I’ll be the one to keep you up (but not like that you dirty dogs), if ever we’re asleep in the same room. I’m also the first person to fall asleep. As soon as my head hits the pillow, it’s kiss, kiss, bang, bang. Out like a light.
I’ve had mates truly marvel at how fast I’ve been able to fall asleep. One time — albeit after a boozy Mumford & Sons gig — I downed a lemsip to quench my cold, said night to my mate and before he could respond, I was fast akip. He thought I was taking the piss. Couldn’t believe how quick I’d managed to get to slumber. Snoring like the little pug I am of a night time. Luckily, the remnants of the night out meant that he was able to get to sleep with very little interruption from my snoring. My girlfriend, however, isn’t quite as lucky.
Apparently, I’m a serial snorer. I do it every night. She’s tried all sorts. Tried rolling me on my back. Tried hitting me until I wake up and roll over but her main issue is that I’m a dead weight. Once I’m asleep, that’s generally it. Up for the odd piss but I’ll mostly sleep through anything.
The situation has got so dyer for her, that she’s resorted to a much more sinister course of action…She holds my nose. That’s right, she actively tries to stop my breathing. Not in a psychotic way, I’d like to add, it’s just a technique that somehow works…The most worrying part? I have absolutely zero recollection of this. She dropped it nonchalantly into a conversation the other day and I was shook to my very core. Thought I was sleeping next to a sociopath. Turns out, I wake up though!? Apparently, I actively acknowledge this extreme method to stop me snoring by rolling over and going back to sleep. Who knew? Not me, that’s for damn sure.
Yet of late, my sleeping hasn’t been what it used to. I struggle to get off to sleep. I’m restless and most days wake up with a sense of anxiety and dread that I just can’t seem to shake.
Sleep used to be a salvation for me. A welcome break from the daily battle inside my own head. It didn’t matter how worried or anxious I was about something ridiculous my OCD was making me think about, as soon as I climbed into bed, I was able to switch off. Relax and drop off to sleep.
Often or not, I would go to sleep and anything I was worrying about would dissipate. Only to come back IF, I somehow remembered it the next day. And yet for the most part, I haven’t been able to do this for a while now.
It’s almost like someone has hacked my subconscious mind. Whereas I used to be able to use sleep as a wall of defence from these worries, it’s almost like someone knocked that wall down. There are truly no holds barred when it comes to how my OCD has filtered into ALL aspects of my life. No surrender. No escape.
There’s been many things that have naturally occurred over the last few months that would make any normal person lose sleep. From work to general life worries. I’m trying my hardest to accept that sometimes, it’s perfectly natural for these things to affect your sleep. But for me, not being able to get to sleep until nearly 4am in the morning is not normal. The worst part of that particular night of unrest, is that to this day, I still can’t put my finger on what was bothering me.
My mind was going a million miles. Every time I tried to close my eyes, I was met with a particularly unnerving image. Something so bizarre and downright weird, that it jolted me from dropping off to sleep. The worst part was that the images in my head weren’t of anything in particular. Instead, they were odd, geometric shapes that just naturally seemed to antagonise my mind.
Now I’m sure someone out there will look at google and tell me that these odd images mean I’m sort of mad, spaghetti head. But I’ve learnt from previous experiences that googling symptoms or dream meanings, usually ends with my head in the palm of my hands and ringing the local asylum to come lock me up. So if you have googled it, f**king leave me right out of it pal.
In a bid to sleep better after months of restlessness, I purchased a weighted blanket, which for the most part, works an absolute dream. It pins you down and is meant to simulate the calming effect of a hug…But if that hug was 9kg of pure unadulterated dead weight. Unfortunately however, if you’re subconsciously anxious about something, in my experience, nothing can keep you from having a bad night’s sleep.
I don’t know why after years of my OCD not affecting my sleep, it’s suddenly instigated some sort of vengeance. But what I do know, is that like any stressor playing on your mind, your sleep (often like your appetite) is one of the first things to be affected.
Perhaps, it’s this notion of life lying dormant that has exacerbated how my OCD affects my sleep? Life and work has rolled into one for everyone over the last year. So, these clear barriers between aspects of our lives have simply disappeared. Whereas we used to be able to just switch off from certain situations and throw ourselves into others a la, leaving the office and going the pub; the imaginary walls we build in our mind to stop everything from merging and snowballing, have truly blurred.
In due course, I’m sure things will get back to normal. Not being able to sleep is probably just a biproduct of the world we currently find ourselves in. But how long is life going to be like this!? Anyone know how to get on Elon Musk’s Mars programme? Life might be more normal up there. I’d rather have a little green Martian disrupting my life than Orlando f**king up my sleep.
Hit me up Elon.
Bald Eagle.
